– Mack Daddies on Film

An interesting fact I’ve discovered about myself is my complete inability to name a favorite actor or actress. Many have asked me to put one or even multiple people on this pedestal, and for the life of me I come up blank every time. Perhaps the question itself just puts me on the spot, but ultimately I feel it stems from my love of film and not necessarily the people within. Granted, there is a genuine affection for Robert Z’Dar residing in my heart, but even his making an appearance in a movie wouldn’t guarantee my shelling out money for the viewing pleasure.

Therefore, if I can’t be lured into a theater by the regular pool of Hollywood actors, I certainly can’t be tricked by stunt casting. This can especially be applied to those actors who were previously rappers, as I’m not a fan of the genre and thus have no idea how to differentiate DMX from any other alphabet-oriented moniker. And from what I have seen, most rappers-turned-actors don’t make the transition well at all. They’re almost always type-cast as the hardened thugs, which requires nothing more than a stony expression and the crunching of knuckles, so their thespian skills rarely have me glued to the screen.

Recently I watched the trailer for The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, a film which has nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of the franchise and thus probably should not have been made at all. The story has the creepy kid turned creepy adult from Sling Blade (okay, I’ll look him up…ah, Lucas Black) going to Tokyo for some dumb reason, and while there he gets involved in, of course, the underground racing circuit. Who acts as his guide you might ask? Why, none other than Bow Wow. No, not Lil’ Bow Wow. Apparently when you turn thirteen you’re allowed to drop the “Lil’” and officially have your name be just a phrase. But come on, isn’t “Bow Wow” still a lame, completely laughable credit to trumpet during a trailer? Ooh, the kid who probably sang a song I’ve never heard is in the film? Where do I not sign up? Oh, Zachary Ty Bryan is also in Tokyo Drift, so that’s…something.

This kind of casting doesn’t apply simply to rappers, though. I could care thirteen pig slops less if Willie Nelson is in the Dukes of Hazard movie or if Pamela Anderson makes a one minute cameo in Scooby-Doo. These decisions all come from the same shallow pool of greed, and while they may trick those with expendable income and easily entertained minds, it doesn’t move this fellow one bit. First, convince me you’ve made a good movie, with a worthy story and whatnot (or lots of ‘splosions), and then maybe I’ll come. But don’t tell me Ice Cube is playing the wacky dad, ‘cause Jon ain’t listening. See? This is me not listening: Tum de dum…la da doo…

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